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May 2009 
When did you do the most growing up?
Posted on May 4th, 2009
by 
Gloria
Gloria
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for May 04, 2009:
Years ago I would have responded, "When I traveled!" But now that I am on a spiritual path and I have gone through a transformation that has shifted my sight big time, I see that traveling developed new experiences and led me away from facing my issues. So, that was not growing up but rather growing into more layers of acting out and searching for love outside of my self.
And on a real inner level, the maturity and growth started on my spiritual path, when I really decided to let my teachers move and change me. They were inviting me into this relationship and until I really let them see me (or admitted to myself that they saw me and I could relax into that) I was holding onto being small and waiting for my mom and dad to do everything for me. I have felt so much love for myself in growing up. As I have let go of old patterns and gradually taken on responsibility for my actions, feelings, thoughts and words, I have felt a lot of grace move me to a place where I am happier with myself, more forgiving and so much softer inside.
It's pretty clear that I didn't want to grow up because the models around me in childhood (mom, dad...) exemplified a heavy and burdensome adult life. With my spiritual teachers I see a fierce integrity in them and a joy in being so solid that they are free. This moves my heart to learn what they have to teach me, which is all that was given to them in order to bring them into this peace.
I pray for all that we are grown up with the right teachers and the true wise ones.
Until then we are pretty much scrounging around for lessons and virtues amidst the rubble of our childhoods.
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