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broken
May 2009 
Choosing God before Man
Posted on Nov 11th, 2008
by 
Gloria
Gloria
Sometimes we're blind to what is happening inside of us. Sometimes waves wash over us like we are barnacles on the side of a rock. And what are we holding onto? And what are the waves washing out of us? Is there any tangible way to know that we are oaky and that we are held in the safety and love of God?
I have been having a new experience of truly being in the dark and feeling different anchors inside of me that hold me to what I have always known. I am in the dark because I have been told to change in a way that I do not want to change. The dreams that I had and the the places where I had invested all of my good feelings, best attributes, and my highest confidence in my self and my life are misplaced. They are no longer in the name of being a woman, someone's woman, who can care for and show love to and be loved by another person. This way of receiving validation has expired and the sadness of this empty pit feels consuming. My prayer is that I come out of this sadness and its pit completely renewed and filled with Jesus and Mary beside me. I don't yet know this level of faith and peace, but I really have nothing to lose now. My greatest fear is behind me, having come true last night, and am still breathing and in a subtle way I feel okay.
As I reread some writing of mine from two years ago, I saw that I have been up and down before, and somehow I was able to maintain optimism in the face of great pain. Looking at where I was then, without a teacher, and without God, I am surprised that I didn't fall apart into more pieces than I did. I appreciate how my insight then has fed me now. It was like I wrote it for myself, to be read two years later on a very difficult day.
From my blog on 8.6.06..."I was crying in my bed and pretty sedated by the emotions of separation. I have survived, and then some. Changes are rocky at times, especially when you are in the middle of them, but they bring more clarity, they bring new perspective, and before you know it you have moved out of the change into comfort and it's hard to believe you lost footing. Enjoy the ride, everyone."
I have been having a new experience of truly being in the dark and feeling different anchors inside of me that hold me to what I have always known. I am in the dark because I have been told to change in a way that I do not want to change. The dreams that I had and the the places where I had invested all of my good feelings, best attributes, and my highest confidence in my self and my life are misplaced. They are no longer in the name of being a woman, someone's woman, who can care for and show love to and be loved by another person. This way of receiving validation has expired and the sadness of this empty pit feels consuming. My prayer is that I come out of this sadness and its pit completely renewed and filled with Jesus and Mary beside me. I don't yet know this level of faith and peace, but I really have nothing to lose now. My greatest fear is behind me, having come true last night, and am still breathing and in a subtle way I feel okay.
As I reread some writing of mine from two years ago, I saw that I have been up and down before, and somehow I was able to maintain optimism in the face of great pain. Looking at where I was then, without a teacher, and without God, I am surprised that I didn't fall apart into more pieces than I did. I appreciate how my insight then has fed me now. It was like I wrote it for myself, to be read two years later on a very difficult day.
From my blog on 8.6.06..."I was crying in my bed and pretty sedated by the emotions of separation. I have survived, and then some. Changes are rocky at times, especially when you are in the middle of them, but they bring more clarity, they bring new perspective, and before you know it you have moved out of the change into comfort and it's hard to believe you lost footing. Enjoy the ride, everyone."
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ahhh….someone having experiences somewhat parallel to what i've been encountering for the past…”while”. Gloria…you have a kindred spirit here, i perceive. i am sure that we each carry different viewpoints, different “beliefs” at this point in each our own lives. But I know in my heart that with that which i just ready after having read one of your more recent blogs & commented on, it is THIS blog that has me rejoicing in knowing that there are others out there that The Spirit is awakening fro one of a deep sleep called religion, even that which many believe to be the ONE TRUE faith in GOD (Christianity). No, you do NOT have ANYthing to lose by allowing that spirit which resides in you to go beyond that of our mind, and in doing so place our spirit OVER our mind, something that i have found nearly void in almost ALL so called Christians. everything has it's purpose, my friend. Every moment, every choice, every thing is in (HIS) Perfect Timing, Perfect Way, & it ALL comes together for The Glory of (HIM) that lives in ALL!!! Glory to GOD on The Highest!!!
sincerely
rich